What would an ex-mari

Elaine and Robert Benov, proud parents of two gay sons.

if he found out that n

(a) Disown the fag (b) Blame his wife. (c) Defect to the S (d) Become interna Parents and Friends by Frank Broderick

As most gays and lesbians can testify, fathers tend to react badly to a son's or daughter's coming out. Mothers always seem to "know" without being told, so the news comes as more of a confirmation than a shock. But dads, no matter how close they are to their children, often become emotional basket cases.

Anger erupts first, a lashing out at the gay child for upsetting his wishes for grandchildren, or at his wife for somehow "causing" the homosexuality. Guilt and remorse often follow, feelings that he was a failure as a man because he produced a faggot or dyke. If fortune smiles on the family, eventually he also comes to accept his son or daughter for what they are.

Now, let's add another factor into the equation: What if the father is a former member of "The Few and the Proud" i.e. an ex-Marine? And, he learns in the span of three years that not one, but two, of his four sons are gay? If he's Robert Benov, he does the unexpected

he becomes an activist for gay rights, to the extent that he serves as vice president of Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. PFLAG is the national organization which seeks to make coming out to one's mother and father less of a wrenching trauma, and to nurture the bond between gay/lesbian children and their parents.

Benov, a Long Island sales manager, travels across the county to speaking engagements, using his family's story as an example of success in understanding a different lifestyle.

How did your first son come out to you? What thoughts ran through your mind?

He didn't come out to us. (Elaine and I) decided that he was having a problem. We had noticed quite a change in Johnny and his interaction in the fami-

PHOTO BY JOE YOUKANOVITCH

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• EDGE May 13, 1987